• girl: babe come over
  • boy: I can't I'm having a threesome with an older couple
  • girl: my parents aren't home
  • boy: I know
seri0uslybecca:

i take my hedgehog grocery shopping and nobody tells me to stop

seri0uslybecca:

i take my hedgehog grocery shopping and nobody tells me to stop

pluteum:

do not date people like me…i will take you to art museums and laugh at all of the private parts on the white marble statues

skeletongrazed:

skeletongrazed:

what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?

one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean

sexualbae:

won’t drink lukewarm water but i’ll put another person’s genitals in my mouth

mostlycatsmostly:

Nico (via ursus0815)

Please just let me be the one to keep track
Of the freckles and the moles on your back.

misspiggy385:

…SQUEEEEEEEEE!

(X) (X) SOURCES

petrichoriousparalian:

KING BREAB